Dillen's Grove

Putting down roots, and reaching for the sky

Winter has come
glomp, hugs
dillen_dagen
Winter has come, and on backwards reflection, I see that I've curled up into my usual ball of isolation, at least here on LJ. Most of my posts have been private, even the ones that really didn't need to be. I just haven't felt like exposure. I've been spending all my earnest this-is-me spoons on allowing myself to be seen as I get to know new people in my life.

But... things aren't actually bad this year. In a lot of ways, they are exactly what I've been needing.

Lots of changes. Lots of opening up, unfurling, risking hope again. It's terrifying and wonderful and sweet rolled into one. Things are finally coming together, my cynicism is being gently washed away, and even in the midst of this season usually full of pain and depression and apathy, my eyes still are holding on to the ability to sparkle.

I'm even risking leaning into this surprising excess of energy and emotional circuitry.

Last year, I would have just shuddered and cuddled them close just in case; what if I needed them to function enough to get paid and thus keep a roof over my head? I wouldn't have been able to let so many people See me without freezing up, waiting for them to let me know that I wasn't what they wanted around, that I was too blunt, too annoying, too stuck up, too unappealing. It's frustrating as fuck just how long childhood baggage sticks around emotionally.

This year, I'm still feeling low, but I'm able to feel surprise, and happiness, and anger, and really mostly the full spectrum. I'm still having the odd day of complete emotional apathy and disconnect; the muted panic when I wake up and cannot access anything but apathy and sadness still shocks, but the feelings come back. Last year, they dove into a rabbit hole and didn't come out for months, until I forgot what it was like to feel and normalized things. This year, I've drawn more boundaries about what I will and will not take on, and when I need to just table flip and go kayak or cuddle; that seems to have helped a lot.

I'm finally going to get my own nest. I'm connecting with people again. Adventure is in my future. I care about new people in my life very much, and more importantly, I'm learning again how to let them show they care back without making it about me. I'm learning things again, and stockpiling memories. I have a secret world of my own that I can share when I want to; solo kayaking has really calmed and centred me a lot this year. Dancing has become a big part of my life again too; that hasn't been the case since back in 2012 when Ceroc was all the rage.

What's your winter been like? I want to hear from your worlds. I'm listening.

transcribed papers
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dillen_dagen
Info transcribed from home stuff:

bluffrey@gmail.com --> Jeff Chang's Email.

IP of MyBookLive: \\169.254.169.246

Public DNS Server: 8.8.8.8
Secondary DNS Server: 8.8.4.4

eduroam --> alishath@ubc.ca

Utorr, dillen_dagen, usual short

ID 933710 for dropbox ER episodes

Summer happy days..
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dillen_dagen
Feeling a bit better today.

It was good to get out and visit with the old group at the park on Sunday. Bocce, Lego, BBQ; a good combination. I think that may be all the social I want for the rest of the week though; dog park time meets most of my needs these days.

Books I`m looking forward to:
fireplace
dillen_dagen
Preorders that I`m waiting for with baited breath:

  1. Oracle, by Michelle West (2015 Jan)

  2. Cast in Honour, by Michelle Sagara (2015 March)

  3. Prudence, by Gail Carriger.. (2015 March)

  4. Sharon Lee`s next three books in the Liaden series, not yet titled  (2016)

  5. Seanan McGuire`s next Velveteen short story anthology

It`s always good to have things to look forward to, especially stories.

[Year of Books] Sept 1 Update
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dillen_dagen
Read more...Collapse )90 books in 120 days. Not Bad.

[Year of Books] Update for July 16: Stats so far: 56 completed books in 75 days
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dillen_dagen

  1. Oath of Fealty, by Elizabeth Moon

  2. Kings of the North, by Elizabeth Moon

  3. Echoes of Betrayal, by Elizabeth Moon

  4. Feed, by Mira Grant

  5. Deadline, by Mira Grant

  6. Blackout, by Mira Grant

  7. Strange Brew: Seeing Eye, short story by Patricia Briggs

  8. Forbidden: Short story by Patricia Briggs

  9. Amityville Horror: stort story by Patricia Briggs

  10. SICK, by Tom Leven (teen zombie novel)

  11. Stencyl: game development: A beginner's guide.

  12. Chalice, by Robin Mckinley

  13. Sheepfarmer's Daughter, by Elizabeth Moon

  14. Divided Allegiance, by Elizaabeth Moon

  15. Oath of Gold, by Elizabeth Moon

  16. Oath of Fealty, by Elizabeth Moon (rereading to prep for new book out this month)

  17. Kings of the North, by Elizabeth Moon

  18. Echoes of Betrayal, by Elizabeth Moon

  19. Limits of Power, by Elizabeth Moon

  20. Crown of Renewal, by Elizabeth Moon

  21. Fledgling, by Sharon Lee

  22. Saltation, by Sharon Lee

  23. Ghost Ship, by Sharon Lee

  24. Dragon Ship, by Sharon Lee

  25. I Dare, by Sharon Lee

  26. Plan B, by Sharon Lee

  27. Liaden Universe Short Story Omniverse I , by Sharon Lee

  28. Conflict of Honors, by Sharon Lee

  29. Necessity's Child, by Sharon Lee

  30. Agent of Change, by Sharon Lee

  31. Carpe Diem, by Sharon Lee

  32. Local Custom, by Sharon Lee

  33. Mouse and Dragon, by Sharon Lee

  34. Adulting: A Guide. By Kelly Williams Brown

  35. On the Seas of Time, by S. M. Stirling

  36. Oceans of Eternity, by S.M. Stirling,

  37. Otherworld tales- Beginnings, Kelley Armstrong

  38. Otherworld tales -- Ascension, Kelley Armstrong

  39. FrostBitten, Kelley Armstrong

  40. Island on the Sea of Time, by S.M.Stirling

  41. Dies the Fire, by S.M. Stirling

  42. The Protectors War, by S.M. Stirling

  43. Why Not Live? 15 Reasons for Keeping On, an Autobiography of Ray Robertson

  44. Ouran Host Club *Manga* Collection 1 (followed by watching the first season on Netflix -- love love love this show~!)

  45. SAGA series (counted as one book, b/c I forgot to put it on the list earlier and graphic novels don't have as many words) PS READ THIS <---

  46. Meeting At Corvallis, by S.M. Stirling

  47. The Narcissism Epidemic, by Jean Twenge. (Not recommended... spends the entire book attempting to create <see title> by comparing it consistently with the obesity epidemic (which doesn't exist either!!) One striking insight (Kindness isn't valued over hard work or being happy in a recession), and just a bunch of reworded recommendations to keep  your kid off the Internet, don't tell them they are special, and understand that fame, like always, has been something that some people will strive for over kindness.)

  48. Steadfast, by Mercedes Lackey

  49. Party of One, The Loner's Manifesto, by Rufus Annelli

  50. The Four Personality Types, by <author can't be remembered right now>

  51. Girl Genius, Vol. 1,  by Studio Foglio

  52. Girl Genius, Vol 2, by STudio Foglio

  53. The rest of Girl Genius the comic up until July 15/2014's strip, as I got impatient on waiting for the hard covers from the library.

  54. Reserved for the Cat, by Mercedes Lackey

  55. The Sunrise Lands, by S.M. Stirling

  56. The Scourge of God, by S.M Stirling



[Year of Books] Update for June 29
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dillen_dagen

  1. Oath of Fealty, by Elizabeth Moon

  2. Kings of the North, by Elizabeth Moon

  3. Echoes of Betrayal, by Elizabeth Moon

  4. Feed, by Mira Grant

  5. Deadline, by Mira Grant

  6. Blackout, by Mira Grant

  7. Strange Brew: Seeing Eye, short story by Patricia Briggs

  8. Forbidden: Short story by Patricia Briggs

  9. Amityville Horror: stort story by Patricia Briggs

  10. SICK, by Tom Leven (teen zombie novel)

  11. Stencyl: game development: A beginner's guide.

  12. Chalice, by Robin Mckinley

  13. Sheepfarmer's Daughter, by Elizabeth Moon

  14. Divided Allegiance, by Elizaabeth Moon

  15. Oath of Gold, by Elizabeth Moon

  16. Oath of Fealty, by Elizabeth Moon (rereading to prep for new book out this month)

  17. Kings of the North, by Elizabeth Moon

  18. Echoes of Betrayal, by Elizabeth Moon

  19. Limits of Power, by Elizabeth Moon

  20. Crown of Renewal, by Elizabeth Moon

  21. Fledgling, by Sharon Lee

  22. Saltation, by Sharon Lee

  23. Ghost Ship, by Sharon Lee

  24. Dragon Ship, by Sharon Lee

  25. I Dare, by Sharon Lee

  26. Plan B, by Sharon Lee

  27. Liaden Universe Short Story Omniverse I , by Sharon Lee

  28. Conflict of Honors, by Sharon Lee

  29. Necessity's Child, by Sharon Lee

  30. Agent of Change, by Sharon Lee

  31. Carpe Diem, by Sharon Lee

  32. Local Custom, by Sharon Lee

  33. Mouse and Dragon, by Sharon Lee

  34. Adulting: A Guide. By Kelly Williams Brown

  35. On the Seas of Time, by S. M. Stirling

  36. Oceans of Eternity, by S.M. Stirling,

  37. Otherworld tales- Beginnings, Kelley Armstrong

  38. Otherworld tales -- Ascension, Kelley Armstrong

  39. FrostBitten, Kelley Armstrong



Browsing Jezabel today.... Quote
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dillen_dagen
"there's not a woman in this county who couldn't tell you her weight, her height, her size, and the smallest she's ever been. Not. One. I know when I became very ill, it was like I won the Nobel Prize. The thing that crushed me and still does is how much nicer everyone was to me, everywhere I went. I realized people chose to treat me badly when I looked differently"

-Hmmmm-no, comment on Joshua Davis' article on Jezabel, "Is Staying Thin Easy?"


And this is true. I don't even have to think hard to access this info.... It's always within automatic reach. Biggest, Smallest, feelings attached to said numbers and size descriptions...Wow.

[Books in a Year] June 19 Update
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dillen_dagen
Thought it might be amusing to track the books I read for a year. So, starting May 1, 2014:

  1. Oath of Fealty, by Elizabeth Moon

  2. Kings of the North, by Elizabeth Moon

  3. Echoes of Betrayal, by Elizabeth Moon

  4. Feed, by Mira Grant

  5. Deadline, by Mira Grant

  6. Blackout, by Mira Grant

  7. Strange Brew: Seeing Eye, short story by Patricia Briggs

  8. Forbidden: Short story by Patricia Briggs

  9. Amityville Horror: stort story by Patricia Briggs

  10. SICK, by Tom Leven (teen zombie novel)

  11. Stencyl: game development: A beginner's guide.

  12. Chalice, by Robin Mckinley

  13. Sheepfarmer's Daughter, by Elizabeth Moon

  14. Divided Allegiance, by Elizaabeth Moon

  15. Oath of Gold, by Elizabeth Moon

  16. Oath of Fealty, by Elizabeth Moon (rereading to prep for new book out this month)

  17. Kings of the North, by Elizabeth Moon

  18. Echoes of Betrayal, by Elizabeth Moon

  19. Limits of Power, by Elizabeth Moon

  20. Crown of Renewal, by Elizabeth Moon

  21. Fledgling, by Sharon Lee

  22. Saltation, by Sharon Lee

  23. Ghost Ship, by Sharon Lee

  24. Dragon Ship, by Sharon Lee

  25. I Dare, by Sharon Lee

  26. Plan B, by Sharon Lee

  27. Liaden Universe Short Story Omniverse I , by Sharon Lee

  28. Conflict of Honors, by Sharon Lee

  29. Necessity's Child, by Sharon Lee

  30. Agent of Change, by Sharon Lee

  31. Carpe Diem, by Sharon Lee

  32. Local Custom, by Sharon Lee

  33. Mouse and Dragon, by Sharon Lee

  34. Adulting: A Guide. By Kelly Williams Brown




Year of Books, Update 1
glomp, hugs
dillen_dagen
Thought it might be amusing to track the books I read for a year. So, starting May 1, 2014:

  1. Oath of Fealty, by Elizabeth Moon

  2. Kings of the North, by Elizabeth Moon

  3. Echoes of Betrayal, by Elizabeth Moon

  4. Feed, by Mira Grant

  5. Deadline, by Mira Grant

  6. Blackout, by Mira Grant

  7. Strange Brew: Seeing Eye, short story by Patricia Briggs

  8. Forbidden: Short story by Patricia Briggs

  9. Amityville Horror: stort story by Patricia Briggs

  10. SICK, by Tom Leven (teen zombie novel)

  11. Stencyl: game development: A beginner's guide.

  12. Chalice, by Robin Mckinley

  13. Sheepfarmer's Daughter, by Elizabeth Moon

  14. Divided Allegiance, by Elizaabeth Moon

  15. Oath of Gold, by Elizabeth Moon

  16. Oath of Fealty, by Elizabeth Moon (rereading to prep for new book out this month)

  17. Kings of the North, by Elizabeth Moon (rereading to prep for new book out this month... 6 more days!)


note: I'm not counting comics thinner than 100 pages, since that would mess up the count way too much.

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